This may get a little … vulgar? uncomfortable? immodest? etc. And very long. But here’s the idea: 1) there’s a popular myth going around that male sexuality is uncontrollable, and that’s why they get to do the things they wanna do (i.e., “nature” is exploited just to validate male irresponsibility), 2) this myth has powerful and destructive consequences for women and society at large, 3) this myth is linked to the way we study science, humans, nature, etc., and – and this is very important – 4) if a woman doesn’t wanna have sex with you, it’s most likely because you’re not doing it right (because discomfort doesn’t just come out of nowhere) – but, yes, yes it might also be because she isn’t ready to or interested in having sex with anyone right now. Or ever.
Category Archives: society
Why are women so picky when it comes to marriage/relationships?
This is disturbing, so don’t read further if you will be triggered.
The Patriarchy of Not Taking Women’s (Menstrual) Pain Seriously
“Woman is a pain that never goes away.” – Menander
Ramadhan mubarak, everyone! ❤ I wish everyone a beautiful month that inspires compassion, love, and gratitude in all of us. I’ll be writing more Ramadhan-related posts this month – or I’ll try anyway, inshaAllah – but this particular topic has been bothering me for some time now and it’s been long over-due – and it keeps coming up in conversations with my women friends – so here it goes.
Book Review: “Men in Charge?: Rethinking Authority in Muslim Legal Tradition”
Needless to say, I recommend the book very, very highly. It’s one of the most important books I’ve ever read.
Pre-Post: Please click here for more details on the book.
Men in Charge?: Rethinking Authority in Muslim Legal Tradition
Ziba Mir-Hosseini, Mulki Al-Sharmani, and Jana Rumminger (eds.)
Oneworld Publications, 2014. ix, 286 pages.
Published in the American Journal of Islamic Social Sciences (details below)
At a time when men’s assumption of leadership roles through all-male events and publications is a popular phenomenon, Men in Charge?, a byproduct of a project by the women-led organization Musawah, could not have been published at a more opportune moment. Comprising a Foreword by Zainah Anwar, Musawah’s director, an Introduction by the editors, and ten chapters from academics and activists of varied backgrounds, the book historicizes and problematizes the Islamic notion of qiwāmah (authority) and wilāyah (guardianship), among other legal patriarchal precepts. It successfully argues that the Islamic legal tradition with regards to gender roles rests on the false notion of men’s superiority to women. Men in Charge? carries immeasurable value for scholars and students of Islam, religion, and women’s and gender studies, activists working towards gender-egalitarianism, and (Muslim) feminists seeking empowerment within a religious framework; it also speaks to reform leaders and lawmakers in Muslim states, who might better understand the fundamental assumptions upon which family laws operate and their disconnect from the reality that women and families face. The book’s major success lies in covering several important layers of the myth of men’s authority: from the theoretical gaps in the notions of qiwāmah, wilāyah, istikhlāf, to a practical examination of the impact of these legal principles, and proposals for new and creative approaches for feminists to apply in their vision of a gender-egalitarian Islam. Continue reading
On names, respect, and making an effort to pronounce people’s names correctly
This topic has been coming up a lot these last some weeks.
“Oooh, that’s a beautiful name. Can I call you [a shorter version of my name]? Do you have a nickname?” – a very common response to my name from white Americans. My name’s beautiful, but you won’t make the effort to pronounce it correctly?
Responses to the Sexual Abuse Post – Part 6
Apologies, readers, that this was lost in my drafts somewhere! Here’s another response to the series on sexual abuse. This is the account of a male reader who shares the impact of his now 40-year-old brother’s abuse on both the brother and the family. God grant all involved innocent parties peace and strength. What a burden and pain to carry for so long . . .
9. What I’m pasting below was written by someone in response to an article I wrote on sexual abuse among children and refugees in Pakistan (the other 5 stories can be read here.) Pasting the individual’s comment verbatim from there. Be warned that it’s a painful read.
Ramadhan Mubarak, Everyone! Aka: May we all have a feminist Ramadhan!
Dear readers,
The world has been blessed with yet another Ramadhan so that, hopefully, we may all look inside ourselves and ask ourselves what needs improvement in our own selves as well as in the things around us. May this month be a source of inspiration, light, and justice for us all, aameen! May we all have a feminist Ramadhan – i.e., one in which we recognize and stand up against injustices in all forms but especially against the marginalized members of our community, whoever they are and whatever their beliefs and practices. May our abstinence and discipline give us the strength to stand with those who need our support to be able to continue living and fighting in not just Ramadhan but all other months of the year as well, simply for being who they are. Aameen.
What It’s Like Being a Pashtun Woman on Social Media – Story 1: intimidation, indecent photos, and threats of no-husband-for-you
The firs story in the series of being a (Pashtun) woman on the Internet. (Be sure to read this, folks – I’m afraid someone brilliant is going to come up and say, “But it’s not just Pashtun women who face these problems! Why are you targeting Pashtun men as harassers only?!” Because you didn’t read.)
The following person shall remain anonymous. Whatever I am sharing has been approved by her. It is told from her perspective.
What It’s Like Being a Pashtun Woman on Social Media
This is going to be a series, and I am not going to promise it’ll be as regular as I’d like it to be. I’ve asked several Pashtun females to share their online experiences with me for this series — whatever stories they’d like to share, however, detailed or un-detailed, whether they use their real name or fake names or remain anonymous, whether they choose to expose the men and women and others who harass them online. Many have responded, and I’m grateful. If you’re a Pashtun woman reading this and would like to share your thoughts, experiences, observations as well, please feel free to do so. You can email me at orbala1@gmail.com.
My Immigrant Pashtun Parents and Me: On Love, Sacrifices, and Change
This was originally published over at the The Thrival Room and titled On Immigrating and Parents’ Love.
My family and I immigrated to the U.S. from Swat, Pakistan, some fifteen years ago when I was twelve years old. Continue reading